And The Winner Is…
Next week I have an engagement to attend. I begin with this startling news as rarely, do I get invited to any event that is not a family get together, where my attendance is virtually guaranteed because of my status as “family member”.
On June the 7th this year I have been asked to attend the annual Oakville Community Spirit Awards. The spirit of these awards is to honour the many volunteers in Oakville.
It was just an honour to be nominated, and believe me I am practicing saying that phrase in front of a mirror, to ensure the sincerity of my version of that phrase. I have even practiced saying this with a British accent to sound a little more refined and intelligent when I say it. If I get a chance to speak the word “privacy” I will say it in the proper British way. Pronouncing “priv” to sound like give, not “priv” sounding like dive, will be essential as I try to sound sophisticated in my casual conversation. The problem is I need to find a way to ensure that I can cleverly introduce that word into the night’s conversation.
Not wanting to leave this to chance I am developing some small talk ideas to guarantee that impressive word is spoken at the event.
“Are you a fan of public urination because I believe this is something one should do with privacy?”
“I support the notion of putting on sign on my lawn that says Private Property, because I value my privacy.”
“One of my favourite movies is Saving Private Ryan, because that Ryan guy’s name, seemed to indicate his privacy was important to him.”
I am not sure which comment will be used as they are all so wonderful, I may just say them all.
Have you ever done something that you thought was a good idea, and then almost immediately realized it was a bad idea? Of course you have, you do it all the time. If you can’t think of an example, allow me to offer you one. One minute ago you clicked on the link to my blog and by now you have already concluded this was a very bad idea.
I am a bit of a jerk. Others who know me well would argue it is more than a bit of a jerk, however I hang around much larger jerks than myself, so I can appear less jerky. Picture a large piece of beef jerky, and a small piece of beef jerky. I am that smaller piece.
My jerkiness led me to exploit the power of the Internet. I took the time to type in the names of my competition for this volunteer of the year award, to assess my chances of winning. In the spirit of privacy, I will not reveal other names but as I examined their volunteering accomplishments my heart sank a little.
One lady has established multiple safe houses for battered woman… I play piano a few hours a week at the hospital.
One gentleman has organized and established an environmental movement in not only Oakville but other Halton County areas… I play piano a few hours a week at the hospital.
Another nominee has pioneered new health and wellness protocols to elevate improved overall health for our local residents…. I play piano a few hours a week at the hospital.
Most of the nominees are also members of important volunteer boards in the town of Oakville to make the town a better place to live…. I play piano a few hours a week at the hospital.
I also discovered, that even if the award was based on one’s ability to sing old Frank Sinatra songs, my research indicated that four of the nominees do a killer version of My Way. My heart sank a little deeper.
Let me put this into a perspective using an analogy that movie fans can relate to, so we can better understand my undeserving status for the night
It is like I am going to the Oscars nominated for some acting award and I am up against, Meryl Streep, Jack Nicholson, Dame Judy Dench, Tom Hanks, Robert DeNiro and I am Adam Sandler.
This is not self-serving false modesty folks, this is more accurately, self-serving true modesty. Hell, I am not even the most deserving volunteer at the hospital. Every day my colleagues usher patients and family to places like the Dialysis department comforting them along the way. Wheeling older patients to their cars, busses or whatever transportation they need to get home. They talk and encourage every person they escort to the cancer clinic listening to distressed family members. They never receive applause from those people, yet I receive applause after every song I perform. I applaud every other volunteer, because their work will never hear the appreciation from the people they selflessly help so often.
I have a tendency to make things up while composing my little blogs. I am going to attach a link here from the Oakville Beaver to validate that there is an actual Volunteer Award’s dinner next week and I am in that press release. Please do not click on this link, as that would be two very bad decisions you would have made in less than two minutes.
My approach to this upcoming event may not be with the healthiest of attitudes, as I prepare for the inevitable disappointment, but there is a glimmer of hope. If the awards are determined by a blind lucky draw out of a hat, similar to door prizes at golf tournaments, I might have a chance. Note to self: Bring a nice hat to the ceremonies. 2nd Note to self: Purchase a nice hat.
As I prepare for the evening recognizing deserving volunteers who truly make a difference in Oakville, I stand in front of a mirror. I patiently practice my words feigning the necessary sincerity I must convey so that I am not up for next year’s “Jerk of the Year” award.
“It was an honour just to be nominated.”
Cue the Blong… I just keep chanting this to myself… It’s Going To Be all Right