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“Get that pre-booked parking feeling. Enjoy 20% off Manchester Airport Parking”

 

I start with an email message I get every week. “Get that pre-booked parking feeling. Enjoy 20% off Manchester Airport Parking”  Some important background information to this enticing message. Manchester England has an airport. I know this because a few years ago, I was sitting in a very uncomfortable seat at that airport. Well because I was taught as a child, not to talk to strangers I decided just to keep to myself. I am sure the strangers around me are still grateful for that decision.

As all important business travellers do, I opened up my computer to continue my game of solitaire. Much to my surprise, the Manchester airport was offering 30 minutes of free WiFi, if I correctly answered a few simple questions. When questions are simple I really like to answer them, as this gives me an overinflated opinon of my underinflated intelligence. Well it appears I got all the answers right, including my personal email address,  because I was immediately enjoying the free connectivity this large passenger waiting room was offering. Like everything free in this world, there was a price to pay for that freedom.

I now receive a weekly message from the Manchester airport parking lot from a guy named Ted.  I am guessing that is his name because he is such a busy guy, he never signs his emails.  That forgetfulness does not effect me, as I feel we have become very close over the past few years.

For those of you have never been to Manchester let me share that it is a beautiful city.  It is famous for a lot of famous things. First there are their two famous football teams Manchester City and Manchester United. Football is the number one sport in the world, and the proper name for this round ball sport.  Some countries call it soccer, but only in countries where nobody watches it.  Let me explain this with a conversation I hear frequently at my local British pub.

North American Guy: That was quite a soccer game last night.

British Guy: It’s football not soccer.

North American guy: No I was talking about the Man U game not the Dallas Cowboys.

British Guy: It’s football not soccer

North American Guy: I meant the game on the pitch not the game on the 100 yard field.

British Guy: It’s football not soccer, Can I get another pint here.

North American Guy: I don’t understand what you are saying, except that part about another pint.

British Guy: How did we ever lose that Revolutionary war?

Without the city of Manchester there would have been no Bee Gees.  If there were no BeeGees there would have been no disco music.  Without Disco Music there would have been no Barry White.  Without Barry White there would have been no sex for the entire 1970s and most of the 1980s.  Without sex the human population would have ceased to exist.  Clearly Manchester England is an important city, but let’s get back to this week’s encouraging email from the Manchester Airport Parking Lot.

“Get that pre-booked parking feeling.” I must confess I felt a little lost when I read their wonderful words. As a bit of a renaissance man, I have allowed myself to have most of the feelings a man born in the last century is allowed to publicly express.

I have felt cold until I found my sweater.

I have felt hungry, then I remembered I hadn’t eaten all day

I have felt bitter, that feeling is usually caused by others not wishing me good luck as I attempt to sky dive.

I have felt optimistic, though my optimism erodes every week after I read the lottery numbers.

I have felt confused and this is often associated with Power Point Slides that have small fonts to ensure the key seventeen points of each slide fits the screen.

I have felt angry but only when I am with happy people.

I have felt rich, until I filed my income tax return.

I have felt merry, surprisingly this only happens around Christmas.  (Feel free to insert the grade school joke about feeling Mary)

This pre-booked parking feeling has eluded my wide range of emotions.

True confession, I have never had the pre-booked parking feeling. As I reread this message from the Manchester airport parking lot, I started feeling very inadequate. Knowing that feelings of inadequacy usually only happened while listening to Barry White, I started to feel a little helpless. Was everybody else getting that pre-booked parking feeling except me? What does the facial expression look like when you have mastered that pre-booked parking feeling? Should I smirk or should I smile? Now I was starting to panic. Since I knew that my panicked look messes up my hair it was time to act. Since I am not a very good actor, as the recent Academy Awards nominations confirm, I changed my decision and crafted a desperate letter to the Manchester Airport Parking Lot.

Dear Manchester Airport Parking Lot (Ted?),

It has come to my attention that I am no longer worthy of your weekly emails. Let me explain. I live in Canada, and have only been to your Airport once. I feel that this makes me less than an expert about your parking situation. Since I was only at your airport on a connector flight, I must shamefully share with you the truth. I never have been in your parking lot. I am sure it is a magnificent parking lot with lines to help the cars understand their responsibility. I also will assume there are gates to restrict the idea there is free parking available . There is also probably a computerized ticket machine that is only comprehensible to your IT employees. I suspect your rates are reasonable at 20 Euros an hour which I think converts to 2,000 Canadian dollars, however I must reemphasize I have never had the pleasure of using your convenient parking facility . As I recall your country’s car steering wheels are on the wrong side of the car, and you allow people to drive on the wrong side of the road so I predict parking would be the least of my problems if I ever entered your lot.

This is not the reason for this correspondence. There is a much greater issue that I feel it is important to address. Your recent message regarding that ‘pre-booked parking feeling” has caused me more turmoil than the ending of the movie The Sixth Sense. Now I don’t want to ruin that movie for you if you haven’t seen it, but you will be feeling a little unsatisfied with the final plot twist that you never see coming. Is that the “pre-booked parking feeling” you refer to here? Cause if it is, I will be less than willing to ever want to wander up to the 10th floor of your lot to find a convenient parking spot..

If this feeling is more like Boston’s hit “More than a Feeling”, I would be willing to embrace this new emotion..  However if this is more connected to Justin Bieber’s “The Feeling” I will consult with those teenagers with pants that don’t seem to quite fit, who hang out at my local mall for a better understanding of this feeling I lack and get back to you promptly.

Sincerely,

Mixed Feelings.

P.S  Spoiler Alert: As you watch The Sixth Sense I am going to suggest the Bruce Willis character is a little more dead than you think he is.

 

Cue the Blong: Wondering Why is an activity I do far too often.

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Manchester Airport Parking Lot

  1. Possibly your funniest blog to date, Dennis! Back at AZ, I went through Manchester Airport at least a dozen times – thank goodness I never used their wireless.
    As a typical man, I’ve spent a lifetime avoiding feelings of all kinds and you’ve just given me another reason to be glad of that.

    • First Simon, thank you for your more than kind note. The fact that you use a comparator here, I am thrilled you have actually read my other musings. If I have made you laugh, I have achieved my ultimate goal here. I can forward on my weekly Manchester messages if you wish.

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