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Killing Time

 

As a service to so many who have responsibly made the decision to stay at home and self quarantine, I feel it is my duty to help others maintain their borderline sanity during these difficult times.   I recorded my actions over the past 24 hours to give a fine example of how to tolerate isolation.  Your “thank you” is assumed here, as is my “your welcome”.   Please resist your desire to come to my house and hug me, even though that will clearly be your reaction after reading my wonderful example of “Killing Time”, at home.  Understandably, I have not included all of my wonderful accomplishments in a day, as I wanted to leave space to adapt your own brilliant ideas to this template of a day in the life.

 

4:00 a.m.   Wake up quietly singing  “Oh What a Beautiful Morning”, as a tribute to the 1943 Broadway musical Oklahoma.  I have not seen the movie version of that play in 20 years.  To the best of my recollection Corvid19 is not, or barely mentioned during the movie.

 

4:04 a.m.  Let the dog out and it barks to ensure neighbours are aware it is almost time to get up.  Feed the cats and fill the water bowl as hydration is key when in self-isolation.  I have small single malt scotch with ice and a little water, body fluids seem well balanced.

 

4:08 a.m. Call a friend to demonstrate my concern for his health.  He seems irritated, which is not a good sign, and could be a symptom of COVID19

 

4:11 a.m.  Call another friend who seems even more irritated by my call of caring.  I suggest he get tested immediately for the virus, as his outrage seems overly symptomatic.

 

4:18 a.m.   Check FACEBOOK to see if anybody “liked” my picture of horse running in a field by my house.  1 like but 3 comments about the horse looking a lot like a zebra that was on the cover of National Geographic in the early 1970s.  I try to explain that it is a photo from that cover, because by the time I got my phone out to photograph the horse, it had stopped running, and felt a horse standing still is not as likeable.

 

4:27 a.m.   Add a little more ice to my drink remembering that I really should refill the ice trays.  Resist that impulse and straighten my tie.

 

4:28 a.m.  Turn on TV to CNN to learn that COVID19 is still Breaking News.  Turn to the sports station to watch a baseball game from 2002, with lots of homeruns. Oh the good ole days when Steroids were just like kid’s Flintstone Vitamins for athletes.

 

4;44 a.m.  I looked at the clock and noticed it was 4:44 a.m.  This pleased me as 4 is my favourite number as Bobby Orr wore that number and he was a hero of my youth.  I then realized the four rhymes with Orr, which made me not think of CORVID19 for a few seconds.

 

4:52 Turn back to CNN where the Breaking News is this Pandemic is a global crisis.  I look at the globe on my office mantle, and agree based on the countries I look at as it spins in a circular motion.  I realize that I don’t spin my globe as often as I should, and make a note to do that more often as a reminder that orbits are important to ensure a daily sunrise.

 

4:59 a.m. I decide that I should vacuum the house. Democracy rules in the house as the people sleeping upstairs vehemently object to my tidyness strategy.  Feel great that I live in a democracy and not North Korea where I believe people vacuum whenever they feel like it.

 

5:00 a.m.  Breaking News on CNN, the pandemic is growing and I start thinking about how my toenails are also growing perhaps it is time for a trim.  I ignore this manicuring idea as now I have lost the remote control and desperately search for the device.  I have to get back to that baseball game to see who wins.  The sense of incompletion bothers me.

 

5:28 a.m. I finally find the remote by the toaster, as earlier,  I thought about having some toast, but there was not any bread.  There was bread in the downstairs freezer, but that seemed like a long way to travel for hot bread.

 

5:29 a.m.  Eat a banana, and I wonder why people don’t eat the banana peel.  I try eating the peel, and no longer wonder why people don’t eat the peel.

 

5:47 a.m.  Reconsider the vacuum cleaning idea, but rejoice in the power of democracy.  I go on my IPAD and review the American constitution, and confirm the importance of freedom of choice.  Very little is said about appropriate vacuuming etiquette in the document, but it is implied

 

6:00 a.m.  Breaking News on CNN:  Many cities have imposed quarantining as a measure to stop the spread of the virus.  Review the constitution again to ensure this is constitutional.  Wondering if marriage vows are binding, as that “in sickness and in health” line will be severely tested this month.

 

6:01 a.m.  Add a little single malt scotch to my water.

 

6:07 a.m.  Add a little more water to my scotch. Use last cube of ice, and thinking about cubes, I go to the basement and fine my Rubik’s cube.  This will be the day I solve the riddle of the Rubrik.

 

6:09 a.m. Give up on that Rubik’s cube idea.

 

6:11 a.m. Searching Netflix I find a series I have not seen.

 

11:22 a.m.  Recommend this gem of a series to all my Facebook friends.

 

11:23 a.m.  Apparently my family has been up for hours and I vacuum.

 

11:37 a.m. I decide to have a little catnap. Vacuuming is almost as exhausting as thinking about vacuuming.  I fall asleep on the couch ignoring all the Breaking News.

 

4:47 p.m.  Wake up from my little nap and feed the cats and let the dog out for a pee.

 

4:58 p.m.  Go to the grocery store to get nutmeg, because you never know when you are going to need more nutmeg.

 

5:53 p.m. Return from the grocery store with nutmeg.  Feeling thankful people are not hoarding nutmeg. Family has prepared a fine meal and to honour social distancing we each eat in separate rooms.  I add a little nutmeg to my chicken.

 

6:07 p.m. I send an email to my boss letting him know that working from home has really increased my productivity.

 

6:14 p.m.  Family gathers in the family room and we watch movie.

 

8:04 p.m.  Movie ends and as we share our thoughts on the movie, it becomes clear we were all playing solitaire on our phones and nobody watched the movie.

 

8:09 p.m. Breaking News:  Celebrities and athletes are contracting COVID19.  Become thankful I am not a celebrity or an athlete, though I do an above average impression of Christopher Walken.

 

8:11 p.m.  Run out of Scotch.

 

8:21 p.m.  Tap into my improvisational skills by singing  “Oh what a Beautiful Evening.” The family asks me to go to bed and I submit to their decision. As I fade into unconsciousness, I smile knowing that tomorrow will fulfill the promises of yesterday.  I drift hearing the faint memories of a song “Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away.”

 

Cue the Blong; It is rare that my original song has the appropriate titile to end the blog.  It is even rarer that people listen to my song.  Perhaps this time you will be so bored you will take the Time  to listen to “Time”

 

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