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A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss.

I have been surprised by the increasing number of clichés people are using to strengthen the very important points they make while selling the benefits of their lame ideas. It seems this practice has been going on since the beginning of time. Well maybe not the beginning of time, but certainly since the invention of the front porch. The front porch is where your very wise Uncle Cletus, would sit in his rocking chair, and after staring out at the world for a few minutes, he would say something clever.

“You can’t judge the depth of a well by the length of the handle on the pump”

Family members on the steps of the porch, would sit in awe at the simple wisdom hidden in the confusing words of their toothless uncle.

As the world grew with sophistication so did the clichés. During the Alaska gold rush of 1896, prospectors struggled to express their disappointment in the hype. “All that glitters is not gold” helped people understand that glittering is overrated.

As young children we did not have the capacity to distinguish literal meaning from deeper metaphoric meanings. This explained why all of my siblings were in the backyard desperately trying to put two birds in the bush after failing to get one bird in their hand, because children love to prove their parents are wrong.

As a public service I will attempt to explain popular clichés your friends spew, when they have really just run out of things to say.

Fit as a Fiddle

Well this one makes no sense to me. Fit as a cello would be a much better expression as those cellos are heavy and I would suggest you need to be in much better shape to bench press a cello versus a fiddle.

If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It.

My car mechanic certainly doesn’t agree with this one. I have numerous invoices to suggest that not only do service department break things just to fix them, but more importantly, they can dazzle you with technical rationale to justify any repair. “I know you came in for an oil change, but we replaced your engine because we heard a suspicious rattle under your hood”.

Read BetweenThe Lines

This is a solid defense to explain why no one ever understands your emails. I might suggest you double-space your messages to give others more room for their misinterpretation.

Cat Got Your Tongue?

This cliché is in the form of a question and open to so many possibilities when responding. Any cliché involving cats should always be answered with a cliché using cats. “Curiosity killed the cat” would be the cat’s meow response. If you can express a Cheshire Cat grin while saying this, you may never have to speak to that person again.

Don’t Let the Bedbugs Bite

I would suggest that if the bedbugs are biting it might be time to acknowledge your commitment to doing regular laundry is not as strong as you claim it is.

Better Late than Never

Try telling that to the bank manager discussing your unpaid loans, as the tow truck driver repossesses your luxury car.

Two’s Company, Three’s A Crowd

I would suggest Ticketmaster has a slightly different definition of a crowd. In fairness the Blue Jay game in Atlanta this past week, would support the crowd description here. This also is great guidance if you ever plan on learning to ride a unicycle.

Six Of One And Half A Dozen Of The Other

I used to work for a guy who said this any time I asked him a difficult question. He had his MBA, so I never questioned his intelligence. I just stopped asking him questions.

Don’t Jump to Conclusions

Since I ignore my gym membership, jumping to conclusions is the only exercise I get these days.

Don’t Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

I can count on one hand how many gifts I have received that have been horse like, ponies included here. I did once have a pony who could sing, but not very well, as he was a little hoarse.

He Who Hesitates Is Lost

I must say I use this one a lot as my family argues that I should have hesitated just a little and used the GPS, as I carefully reach that dead end of a dirt road I am confident will get us to our destination.

Slept Like A Log

I only add this one as it allows me to offer a clever extension to this saying.

I slept like a log last night… and I woke up this morning in the fireplace.

Never Say Never

To suggest to never say never, and then use it twice in the statement irritates a lot of computer programmers who live by the binary code. The original phrase here was “Always say Always”, but that seemed overly optimistic, with such little panache, it never really caught on.

Carpe Diem (Seize the Day)

Sometimes using a different language can really boost the impact or the significance of your point.   A little heads up here: If your audience responds with Carpe Noctem, you are going to find yourself in an endless debate on whether it is better seize the day or seize the night. Cease and desist, isn’t Latin, but that is my advice when you find yourself are trapped in an elevator with Latin scholars.

Bee In Her Bonnet

Bees in her bonnet, Ants in his pants, Sleep with dogs and wake up with fleas, points to an important cliché truth. If it involves insects, it is more than likely not a compliment.

Well I could go on until the cows come home, but time flies when your writing blogs. I must be off to bring home the bacon. I am not gong to work, I just promised my family Sunday brunch and I forgot the bacon.

Cue the Blong:  It seems fitting to write a song with one more over used cliche these days.

Hey I am just Keeping It Real

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