Decisions, Decisions, Decisions!
The other day while untangling fur knots on my cat with a dessert fork, I got to wondering about fluctuating price of passion fruits. This thought kept me from completing the laundry, even though the tuneless buzzer from the dryer was encouraging me to jump to action. Now other alerts were also attempting to get my attention, as perpetual pinging reminded me people on Facebook really liked my current post about my tireless support for single chorus line mothers in Las Vegas. The sun was already doing its best effort of rising colourfully in the east to indicate people might want to get on with their day. So I did.
As I poured my tassimo assisted coffee into a relatively clean mug, I began to question some of the decisions I had made this month. Decisions that had surprisingly stunted my personal growth and productivity. Fortunately for me the most difficult decisions I make lately involve using tweezers or clippers to delicately remove well rooted hairs growing uncomfortably near my ears.
Last Wednesday, even though the friendly attendant at the prestigious restaurant I regularly drive through suggested I supersize my order, I did not. On the drive home, I continually questioned myself wondering if I did the right thing.
Upon arriving home still slightly hungry the phone rang. After listening to a very articulate spokesperson with a slight accent I decided my ducts were not in as urgent need of cleaning as this expert had surmised. The person on the other end of this delightful conversation seemed more than disappointed with this decision. To help ease his pain, I gave him the phone numbers of my neighbours as I had a feeling their ducts were not as clean as they thought they were.
At the beginning of the month while driving on the highway, I decided to quickly change lanes without indicating. This slightly irresponsible move seemed to vex my fellow drivers as I was saving a good four seconds on my one hour work commute. In fairness as I looked in my rear view mirror I did witness one of the more serious accidents I had ever caused.
Early last Friday evening while preparing for a dinner out with people who still tolerate me, my wife asked me if the dress she was wearing made her look fat. Of course I supported her idea, because that is what devoted husbands do. I breathed in to tighten my belt.
At an inspirational work team meeting we were given the rare opportunity to listen to a motivational speaker, who was touching our hearts as he explained why every action we had ever taken was wrong. He then shared a couple of Power Point slides, that if understood, would quickly transform our worthless lives into an existence filled with meaning. At the end of his lecture he asked if there were any questions. I put my hand up and feeling I could speak on behalf of the audience I simply said “No”.
Early this month when faced with the choice of cutting the lawn or painting the garage, I opted for playing Tetris on my computer.
Three Monday nights ago, as I prepared for a well deserved sleep, I struggled with selecting the right pyjamas to wear. After debating between my cotton Toronto Maple Leaf pair or my silk Spider-Man onesy with padded feet, I chose the slightly unlaundered Keep on Trucking Tee shirt. I then moved my alarm clock two and a half inches closer to my pillow for easier access to the snooze button.
Last week, while fine tuning an Excel spreadsheet to help me understand why my bank keeps calling me, I strategically placed two more cups in what my wife declared was an already full dishwasher.
Last weekend, make that two weekends ago, no I was right it was last weekend. Years ago I decided I should really start painting landscapes again. In the past I had quite enjoyed this distraction from the real world, so years ago I bought brushes and some canvasses. Anyway I thought about that again last weekend but was quickly distracted by a new series on Netflix.
After dinner on Friday I noticed the refrigerator was running low on beer so I switched to wine, some decisions are effortless.
After vacillating between telling my boss what I really think of him or over tipping the waitress at lunch I decided it was high time I memorized a Shakespearean quote. I felt this was necessary on the off chance I might need to say something clever at the upcoming weekend’s BBQ.
After browsing a recent business article on productivity tips, I sat down to write a “To Do” list. Struggling to find a pencil or a pen in the kitchen I started hand washing the pots and pans that were piling up in the sink. Gleaming with a well earned smile of this great accomplishment, I finally found a pen and just wrote buy more pens on my To Do list.
While creating a playlist on my IPod, it occurred to me, I should include Wayne Newton’s 1963 hit Danke Schoen as a subtle way to thank my friends from Germany for not starting any world wars lately.
Realizing my boss was on vacation for a week, I left work early every day, though on the Friday I took a few pens from a colleagues desk to ensure I completed my ToDo list from the previous week.
After thinking about how much my parents had done for me over the years, I decided to phone them just to tell them how much they meant to me. They were not home so the call went to the answering machine. I left a message reminding my father he stilled owed me money for the hot dog I bought him at the baseball game.
End of Decisions.
My intent here was not to create a sense of envy or jealousy from my faithful readers whose lives may not match the excitement of mine. Clearly I have failed with this subliminal intent. In a rare moment of clarity, I realized it might be a little self serving to publish such a enlightening article on my accomplishments, as that decision would cause nothing but anger and coveting from my discerning audience. I immediately decided not to share this brilliant algorithm of decision making with others. Minutes passed and once that brief moment of lucidity disappeared, I decided for the betterment of others, after looking up the word benevolent in the dictionary, I had to make one more difficult benevolent decision. I must publish this piece. Decisions, decisions, decisions.
Cue the Blong
To create almost perfect balance with this week’s Blong, I offer my composition that focuses more on decisions not made.
You are one of a kind Mr. Ford.
Thanks for the Friday smile.
Grant thanks for the comment and letting me know I achieved my intent.
Bruce and I just laughed all the way through. This was our favorite so far! So funny!!
Another good one Dennis.
Thanks Jean, enjoy the long weekend.
Dennis, I ran across this blog just today and of course, it propagated a big smile and some similarity ( I said “similarity”, not same) in the types of decisions I find myself making. I believe that many of the decisions I am making for myself today are directly impacting the global economic markets, the entire political landscape of the G8, the musical stylings of Steven Tyler, and of course whether I should check yesterday’s underwear to see if they’ll hold up for a second day.
Thanks for a good laugh (As always in your blogs) and some great perspective on some stupid things. Hope you are well.
Thanks for digging into the archives Rory. I laughed at your decision tree, especially how you have effected Steven Tyler’s music. Well done.