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My Final Resumé

Below is my Final Resumé.  It is my last attempt to capture my work history.  Yesterday I received my final pay cheque from Sheridan College.   The most satisfying part of creating this is as of next week I am going to retire. Yes there is not a chance that any prospective employers will read this Resumé and say “Hey we’ve got to get this guy into our organization.”   I have violated every rule of writing a Resumé here because my intention is not to get a job out of this, but more to remind myself that I have experienced great joy in my working life.  

My bosses might not agree with that statement, however many of my bosses showed very little joy in their jobs.  Anyway I believe this document will confirm I am currently unemployable and retirement is my only option.   Recently organizations are demanding evidence during interviews.  I will do my best to support that challenging 21stcentury approach to the hiring process.  (There are more links here than a my neighbour’s rusty chain link fence and don’t get me started on his inability to cut his front lawn.)   

Upon reflection each job offered a little life lesson learned, (LLLL) which was not always clear to me at the time.  Time heals all wounds but unfortunately time doesn’t wound all heals.  Instant Karma takes time so in my experience Delayed Karma (John Lennon Imagined this differently) is more accurate description of eventual comeuppance. 

 (https://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/comeuppance)  My first link to ensure the accuracy of my chosen words.

1967        Globe and Mail paper route

Responsibilities: Deliver newspapers to local literates. Christmas tips were amazing.   Vic Hadfield, the NHL player was a customer. 6:00 a.m. start time.

LLLL:  Christmas Tips were incredible rewards for getting up early.  My first experience of being surprised by the rewards of work.

1969        Oakville Gardens Variety Store

Responsibilities: Stock shelves, bottle returns, learn to work a cash register.  Mr. Osbourne was my first real boss.  A British Gentleman who insisted on stocking the porn magazines himself.

LLLL: Discretion: Running up from the basement stock storage area of the store yelling “Mr. Osbourne we caught a mouse in the mousetrap” was possibly not the time or place to declare our rodent success. Customers certainly were not as thrilled with this news as I was.

1971        Oakville Golf Club:  Caddy

Responsibilities: Well I have talked about this previously so rather than blather… link #2…https://breakingwell.com/2021/02/14/the-caddy/

LLLL:  Most people are pretty decent but 10% are absolute idiots.  Still hoping their comeuppance occurred even if I was not a witness to this retribution.

1973        Oakville Golf Club:  Club Cleaner

Working my corporate magic I was promoted to club cleaner, now the envy of all the other caddies.

LLLL:  I learned to appreciate being recognized for just doing the work.

1974        Oakville Golf Club:  Back shop Boy

This offensive gender specific role, was one more step up and now I not only cleaned clubs, but had to keep the 3 electric carts clean and charged.

LLLL:  Be careful what you wish for.  Or to quote Mr. Spock, the thrill of wanting is often better than the thrill of getting.

1975        Oakville Golf Club Front shop Boy

For every year until I finished school I worked as a starter, sales person selling shoes, bags and clubs in the Pro shop.  Now had more than 20 electric carts.

LLLL:  I believe I was more effective and efficient at this job every year.  Experience matters

1976        Busholme Inn Erin

Played Bass in a band and were the house band every weekend.  Fights every night and discovered groupies.

https://www.thebusholme.ca/

LLLL:  When work is what you love, life is easy.

1978        The Gairdner Estate Oakville

Responsibilities: Cut grass, weed walkways, feed swans, Son got married so I parked expensive cars. Two full time gardeners on the estate.  I learned I am no gardener at Gairdner’s estate. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gairdner_Foundation

LLLL:  When you hate your job the seconds seem like hours.

1977        Mothers Pizza Oakville

Responsibilities: Delver Pizzas.  One winter night, I locked the delivery car, with otherpizza in the car while delivering to a house.  My unhappy manager drove out to unlock car with cold undeliverable pizzas.

LLLL: We called our manager Vic the prick but later learned he was a highly principled credible man.  First impression can deceive.

1982     Gamelport (The Old Gate) Gothenburg, Sweden

My first international Piano Bar gig.  Played for a month in the main floor and the disco upstairs.  Back packed Europe after University and then got a real job.

LLLL:  When you are alone, without family or friends to influence a certain sense of freedom is realized.

1985:       Venice Beach Los Angeles

With twin brother Dan, played guitar \ harmonica and sang for tips.  Got on a game show and made 0ver$4,000 US money.  Promoted our record and actually got air play.

https://www.madmusic.com/playlist.aspx?ShowID=528

LLLL:  Sometimes luck is more important than any other force.

1986        Madill’s Pharmacy

Responsibilities: Deliver prescriptions, count pills tolerate pharmaceutical reps coming in to sell their products. 

LLLL:  Sometimes you mock the thing you are to become.

1986 – 1992 Pharmaceutical Rep Searle Canada

Moved to Barrie for my first real job.  Won National Rep of the year 1991

LLLL  Your boss will make all the difference in your work.

1992-1993 Specialist Rep Toronto Hospitals. Searle Canada

LLLL:  My least favourite job.  Paying cardiologists, nephrologists and other specialists to speak and national and international meetings lacked truth of purpose for me. My first feeling of disingenuous work.

1993 – 1997 Sales Training Manager Searle Canada

Developed Training manuals, sessions to support product launches.

LLLL: Discovered I enjoyed teaching and not surprisingly thrived in performance on stage.  Yes I am a bit of a ham.

1997-2003 District Sales Manager Pharmacia

Searle merged with Upjohn and culture wars began.  Interesting disparate views on business issues.

LLLL   Work culture matters and leadership drives behaviour.

Pfizer buys Pharmacia and I take the package.  One of the funniest email sent that day was “Okay now we are Pfucked!”

2003-2008 Area Business Manager AstraZeneca

Leveraged past business relationships to secure employment.  Appreciated the new staff and since I was the new boss, demonstrated a little patience to learn about people before business.

LLLL:  Managing People is the hardest and the most satisfying job.

2009-2015 Senior Manager Sales Training AstraZeneca

Fired all consultants and allowed my training staff and field sales trainers to manage the work. At one point had 17 direct reports.

LLLL:   People will do the work if you are clear about expectations.  If you aren’t clear employees will never understand good vs. bad performance.

2015 Department let go, received package number 2.  Decided I will only do work I enjoy for my last working days.

Sheridan College Professor 2016 – Present

Now present is a little deceptive as I have decided to retire today.  Online teaching for the past 2 years is just too unsatisfying and violates my “only work I enjoy principle.”

2015 – Present. Dennis Ford Consulting

I will continue to play piano bars once this pandemic permits my need to perform.  I will consult with former colleagues with management and sales training projects.  I take on 2 projects a year and only work with people I know, I trust and share similar values, ethics and humour.  The Europeans call it “Sympatico” and that works for me.  So perhaps semi-retirement is where I live, and stubbornly will be very selective in my consulting choices (Oh the unbelievable arrogance of that statement)

LLLL:  In the end reflecting on work, it is not the systems you recall.  It is not the projects you worked on.  You won’t remember the hotel rooms or the rehearsals for presentations.  It is not even the occasional recognition you received for a job well done.  No it is always the people you remember.  I have purposely not mentioned one person in my final resume.  There are far too many people to thank.  I am hoping those people see themselves in the very long, very reflective history of my employment.  Thank you to all the people I have had the privilege to work for and work with.  Did I say Thank You?  Thank you.

Oh right you are supposed to put Hobbies at the end of your resume.

Hobbies

I write a monthly blog  (It used to be weekly but topics don’t come so easy these days)   https://breakingwell.com

I lock myself in the basement and record original songs. Badly produced but I have no technical skill in mixing. This time you can cue your own Blong.

https://soundcloud.com/you/tracks

Volunteering:  Oakville Hospital (Last link I swear)

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