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Travel Tips

One of the little pleasures in life is taking a vacation from life. Getting away is a necessary distraction from routine. Many take the opportunity of vacation to travel to far away lands.

I have friends who have travelled to Australia, China, Iceland, Russia and Milton. Winter trips to the Caribbean islands, Mexico and hot spots in Central America are now common targets to escape the Canadian Winter.

That is all fine and dandy, however I made the clumsy mistake of clicking on my daily news feed the other day and came across and article titled “Traveling to another dimension choose your black hole wisely”. As seasoned travellers know, choosing trip locations is never easy. Choosing your black hole adds a new “dimension” of difficulty to that process.

https://www.thedailybeast.com/traveling-to-another-dimension-choose-your-black-hole-wisely

As I squint my eyes to peer into the future, it seems your friends who talk about all the exocitc locations they have visited, are about to up the anti of the next destination wedding location.

I am not the strongest science fiction expert, but I have seen the movie Back to the Future more than once. Vague memories of old black and white Twilight Zone episodes also addressed dimensional travel. Rod Serling opened every episiode with the intro “You are traveling through a dimension , a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind…” Adding to my borderline understanding of this matter, it occurs to me that I enjoyed other new dimensional programs. Time Tunnel and Qunatum Leap were shows from my youth. I am able to add a point or two when my friends engage in the Star Wars \ Star Trek arguments of accuracy. Finally, though I have never watched Dr. Who, (After a few drinks I find British accents hard to understand. After a few more drinks I find it hard to understand most people) I do appreciate Dr. Who may also touch frequently on this subject of travelling in dimensions.

In the preceding paragraph I seemed to have gone from severly ill equipped, to a subject matter expert on dimensional travel. Do not underestimate the power of self-delusion until you have tried it. With this new status of dimensional expertise, allow me to offer strong advice for this new type of travel planning.

Vehicle:

To prepare your new dimensional travel one of the important decisions you must make is how you are going to get there. I will strongly suggest eliminate your Toyota Corolla or Honda Civic as a reliable mode of transportation, unless you paid extra for that flux capacitor option. I am afraid your choices will be relatively expensive when budgeting for this vacation. Space vehicles that can easily achieve warp speed will be a minimum requirement. Like all destination trips, my advice would be to get an aisle seat and arrive at least 3 hours early, two pieces of ID, and for God’s sake carry no liquids, as you prepare your trip to a new dimension.

What to pack?

This is always a difficult task for many when planning a trip. There will more than likely be a lot of flashing and uncomfortable blasts of noise during your ride into a new dimension, so sunglasses and earplugs are a must. If you travel in economy, your hair will get messed up so wear a hat. My one prediction is that new dimensions will have a positive effect on your current weight. Your Lulu Lemon leggings are going to look great in this less gravity dependent environment. Pack a sweater just in case I have underestimated the warmth of the summer nights there.

Fine Dining?

As with all great areas to visit, the finer restaurants in a new dimension will fill up quickly. Book early though getting a table by the window in a black hole, may not be as romantic as you had hoped.

Medical insurance.

This is a tricky one, as early pioneers of inter dimensional travel will probably never return. In my opinion this would be irresponsible waste of money on anything that suggests long term survival. To help you comprehend this, it would be like purchasing a three year’s worth of tinfoil at Costco, and then finding out you only have 6 months to live.

Cell phones

I have a strong suspicion that the roaming charges from one dimension to another dimension are going to be a tad expensive. More frustrating for you is the tendency for trips like this to push you back in time. You will discover pretty quickly that if your black hole places you back to Paris France in the 1700’s, roaming charges will be the least of your problems. Stay away from the little villages that tend to solve tourist complaints with a guillotine.

Maps

If you are an early explorer, you are going to feel a lot like the Vikings did in our ancient history of travel. Vikings had no maps, but strong personalities and always forgot to pack their razors. Part of your early adventure will be to help future travelers by documenting the Starbuck locations and the best bars with free appetizers during happy hour. Just like the Vikings it will be your responsibility to offer honest objective feedback on Yelp and other Trip Advisor sites. When returning back from the new dimensions be sure to fold the maps properly or your OCD friends will not want to explore the Cosmos.

Budget

As I have indicated earlier, traveling back in time seems to be a common occurrence on many of the TV shows and movies that deal with Black holes. This is fantastic news as you attempt to budget for the trip. Remembering that a dozen eggs cost pennies centuries ago, and alcohol and granola bars were very cheap in the good old days. Yes your trip to this new dimesion has the potential of being the bargain of a lifetime. To ensure a safe trip be sure to get your vaccinations for Bubonic Plague, Black plague, Cholera, Diphtheria and your Rabies shot. Pets will be a little unpredictable after long intergalactic travel. If time travel sends you to the pre revolutionary war period in the U.S.A. the American dollar will not be the strong reliable currency it tends to be for boring current day travel.

Helping you prepare for a journey that has never been done, is a difficutl exercise. It is similar to preparing to meet the parents of your fiancé. No planning can truly prepare you for exposure to new family dimensions you don’t understand. I do wish future generations safe travels, hoping advanced GPS technology serves couples when arguments occur about a left or a right turn as I suspect many forks in the road on the highways of black holes.

I am not the first to help others with this idea. All this was predicted by The Fifth Dimension in the 1960’s, though I suspect when they were using vague directions like “Up Up and Away in their beautiful balloon”, Black holes was not their primary destination.

A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Cue the Blong Time gets in the way of all of our fun.

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