There is a moment when we fall asleep where consciousness has a healthy battle with unconsciousness. Lucid thoughts succumb to phantasmagoric fantasies of ideas that only make sense as a prelude to dreaming. One tends not to remember these thoughts as your brain slowly drifts into a state of Jello like softness. I made a decision to try to capture this moment and it didn’t go well.
While in bed with perfect pillow positioning my mind begins to drift as the neighbour’s cat meows about the things he did that day. The drifting away continues as I plan the things I could do to the neighbour’s cat with a fork to shut it up. As my mind drifts deeper I think about the snow drifts forming on my driveway and the shoveling I will do in the morning. This drifting continues as I wonder why people think driftwood is an attractive ornament on their mantel? Finally I drift into the music chamber of my brain and discover that the Drifters songs “Save the Last Dance for Me” and “Under the Boardwalk” sound very similar. The drifting, drifts into full sleep as I run out of drifting ideas and my boring dry dreams begin…if you catch my drift?
Sleep is one of the few hobbies I have that I get to do alone. Morning approaches and I drift into the direction of awakeness and immediately remember a dream. I dreamt that I was a lobbyist at the Federal government, but nobody was interested in my coin collection. It became apparent that in this dream I was a hobbyist, not a lobbyist, and upon reflection I began to understand why the Senate subcommittee seemed so uninterested in my silver dollars, rare pennies and that fifty-cent piece.
It became painfully clear to me I need more hobbies. In this world of fast paced work people need to find an outlet to help them relax. “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” If your “play” includes bowling, Jack gets a nice shirt with his name on it, and if he is truly committed to his hobby, he eventually stops renting shoes.
I have given up on stamp collecting, because couriers seem to be the default transport choice for most busy people these days. Collecting bar codes from the top right corner of a box no longer seems to provide the same tactile feeling of accomplishment that a stamp offers. When I invite friends over to show them my beautiful 7 binder bar code collection, I notice they tend to lose interest within the first hour, and I hadn’t even got to the very eye catching colour bar codes!
My attempt to participate in hobbies comes and gos. I ceased collecting leaves, when my grade 4 teacher gave me a C- on a well ironed leaf collection. I was thinking I achieved a solid C+, considering the significant effort my mother made for our project. I do return to leaf collecting every autumn as I blow dead leaves on my neighbour’s lawn assuming they too, are avid leaf collectors.
In 2011 Somebody felt it necessary to post the top 50 hobbies of the time. People love lists and I suppose list making could be a hobby. When you review this list you will conclude that this is the worst list you have ever read, unless your grocery list includes margarine. The criteria for the list below seems so loose, it mergers hobbies with activities, and just to get to 50, it sort of adds just things.
50 Popular Hobbies
- Watching TV
- Family Time
- Going to Movies
- Renting Movies
- Listening to Music
- Team Sports
- Church Activities
- Playing Music
- Watching Sports
- Playing Cards
- Eating Out
- Dating Online
- Working on Cars
- Animal Care
- Horseback Riding
- Volunteer Work
I warned you that this was the worst list ever. With such loosely defined hobbies here, you are asking yourself “How did breathing and eye-blinking not make the top 50?” Number 8 here is interesting as “Renting Movies” made the top 10. If people had a hobby of returning movies perhaps there might still be 14 Blockbuster stores in your neighbourhood. How does watching TV (#2) make the list without its counterpart couch sitting?
Reading is number one on this 7 year old list. if this includes reading texts while driving, reading social media posts, and reading emails, i would support its top position. If this meant books, I would doubt it would make the top 100. If this “Reading” hobby referred to people’s hobby of reading HR policies, it wouldn’t make the top 1000. Finally if this referred to those who read my blog it would be at 6,876,422,537 on the list, and that includes my family members. My lofty 10 year goal is to get my blogs to the coveted # 6 billion position as my family expands… a man is allowed to dream… about other things that don’t include Senate subcommittees.
Hobby horse is a term I never understood, however this art work from 1621 certainly shows why that activiity didn’t really catch on. Painting is a hobby (#42 on the list), though the guy who painted this piece needed to be a little more selective in his subject matter.
Housework is number 24, and I strongly advise that you do not suggest to your wife it is about time to increase her participation in this popular hobby. (That was a joke for the gender police scrutinizing the internet. How sexism didn’t make this controversial list adds to it’s lack of credibility. Perhaps in 2011 sexism wasn’t a hobby but more of a way of life. #Metoo)
To wrap this up and to cleverly connect to my opening, which i’ve heard the top 6 billion bloggers do, sleeping did make number 17 on this lame list, so the credibility of this top 50 list officially dissolves. I don’t have the time to create a new 50 point list to correct what I am sure caused the original hobbyists to spin in their graves. (Is grave spinning or even dying a hobby?) I do however have the time to make a Top 13 list to better represent our current times and honour my trisdectiphobia hobby. Spell check is not a hobby of mine for if it was that previous sentence would have said triskaidekaphobia. This updated list is based on my critical observations of what most people do, when I stare at them for what some might consider an uncomfortably long time.
Top 13 Hobbies (updated)
- Wine Tasting (after 6 glasses you might be leaning more into Wine Gulping)
- Cutting and Pasting (See the Top 50 List)
- Photography (only with your phone every 3 minutes, actual cameras excluded)
- Reading (instructions to change the ink cartridge for your printer)
- Hiking (in the mall when sales hit 50% off)
- Gardening (when the neighbours call city hall about your inappropriate tall grass dandelion ratio.)
- Apple Picking (when your iPod, IPAD, IMAC or IPhone needs upgrading)
- Movies (Stealing, Streaming, YouTube Netflix… popcorn optional. Theaters only when Star Wars movies released)
- Music (with earbuds while crossing busy intersections )
- Bitcoin collecting (Every hobby has a price)
- Exercising (only up to January 12th)
- Volunteering (opinions when nobody asks)
- Hitting the Snooze button on your alarm. (Strictly a morning hobby)
I must stop now as I noticed the driftwood on my mantel needs dusting. “Honey are you still into that housecleaning hobby!?”
Cue the Blong: Sometimes we just need to get away when Hobbies aren’t enough….