The Ballad of a Tim Hortons Employee


I work at Tim Horton’s, where you cannot say can’t.
And this is the reason for my little rant.

I greet each customer with my perfect smile,
They grunt as each order takes them them a while.

They ask for black coffee… with sugar and cream,
I still smile politely, but I just want to scream!

They come to the counter as they talk on their phone,
They mumble an order, in an inaudible tone.

So I might say excuse me and could you repeat,
But they’re back on their phone oh the people I meet.

The line ups get crazy on our busy days,
As each person weaves their way through the maze.

But after a while, when they get to the front,
This is by far, my favourite stunt.

They stand there and say “Oh what shall I get?’
You stood there and haven’t decided that yet????

So I go through the options to help them decide,
I serve every order with Tim Hortons pride.

But busy is better than when it’s slow and it’s lazy,
Cause they make us clean stuff and my manager’s crazy.

As she barks about scheduling and changing our shifts,
While I build displays with those Tim Hortons gifts.

On weekends I start at six in the morning,
So here is some coaching or call it a warning.

If you ever need coffee, cause there ain’t none at home,
And into my Timmies you desperately roam.

I will greet you and smile, because that is polite,
Try smiling back, cause if you don’t, one day I might

Show my true feelings, because I’m a wreck,
As you stand and decide, I might wring your neck.

As you gasping for air, and losing your vision,
Though this unconscious state, speeds up your decision.

When you capture your breath you’ll say “coffee to go”,
I replace all my rage with that smile so you’ll know.

Thank you for coming to Tim Hortons today,
It was almost a pleasure and have a nice day.

Yes the coffee is hot and the tea will be steeping,
I’ll give you a smile but I’d rather be sleeping.



Cue the Blong:  You’ve heard this one before, but it does seem to perfectly capture the attitude of today’s submission.









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